


Not a Love Story

by SilentShifter (orphan_account)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Bad Ideas, Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Language, More angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Rape/Non-con, Superiority, Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 07:15:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8656849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SilentShifter
Summary: Levi never wanted most of his arguments with Erwin to end with bruises and slammed doors. He had no intention of joining the damned military, let alone the fucking Survey Corps; and he certainly never wanted to have anything to do with falling in love. Then again, he never seems to get what he wants, does he?





	

**Author's Note:**

> My second attempt at a multi-chap fic I might actually finish, depending on the feedback I get. @_@ Damn, I almost feel guilty posting this with all my unfinished ones lying around. 
> 
> The picture below is what I decided to be the cover page of my work, drawn by me.
> 
> Original art by [twoframe] in "Namae no Nai Hana" https://myreadingmanga.info/twoframe-shingeki-kyojin-dj-namae-nai-hana-eng/

 

“And even if the sky turns black with your hate, I’ll love you.”

He made a small, amused sound through his mouth, resembling a scoff. The warm breath saturated against winter air, erupting into a puff of frost before disappearing all at once.

“That's not like you to say that. But even so... how can you love a hateful heart? It’s dark, and ugly…”

He paused.

“...aren’t you scared of me?”

“Why would I be scared of you?”

“...the things I’ve done. The things I can do.”

“ _Should_ I be scared?”

“I don’t know… but… I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“Myself.”

 

_________________________________

“Oi, have you finished unsaddling that horse, Yeager?” Levi wrapped the heavy leather reins he would put away in the storehouse firmly around his hand and walked over to the sixteen year old. It was obvious the boy seemed oblivious to the older man’s presence, because he literally jumped in surprise to his voice.

“Yessir!” Eren hurried to grab the saddle off of the chestnut mare’s back before quickly hauling it into the storehouse. Levi watched him canter along the dirt walkway until he disappeared behind the brown and white barn doors. Levi resisted the urge to shake his head.

“Tch… this brat,” He says with no real venom, looking back at Eren’s horse and grabbing the forgotten reins. “In such a damn hurry he can’t even unpack correctly.” Levi walked in shortly after Eren and thoroughly embarrassed the boy for being irresponsible with the supplies. He put away his own as well, and after stretching his arms, led his horse into a stall. Levi could tell by the way its usually shiny brown pelt now glistened with a thin sheen of sweat that a rest was urgently needed.

“I’ll come back in the morning to groom you myself, alright?” He murmured to the cocoa-colored animal, who nuzzled into the warm touch of his hand. Levi heard Eren and Jean exiting the barn while throwing ruthless insults at each other, sighing since he knew from experience that nearly nothing could shut those two up once they were at it.

He felt the tension leave his body, nerves once uneasily bunched around his shoulder blades relax when the barn doors slid shut. Silence filled the room instantaneously and Levi was suddenly ten times more grateful for the peaceful after-mission moments.

Just him, and the horses.

Silence.

The raven was busy giving his horse an apple the color of dark crimson when the distinct sound of the barn door opening sounded. He halted partially in his plodding motions, but figured not to pay it any mind and continue his business.

 _Maybe it’s just one of the brats_ , He figured.

They were heavy, striding footfalls, every one of them echoing in Levi’s ears. His heart stuttered because those clear, effortless steps seemed so familiar. Tempted to turn around, Levi fed his horse the remaining piece of apple, core and all. He was about to turn around and leave to avoid encountering whomever suddenly entered, but stopped at a warmness behind him. His breath hitched, even if he immediately discovered who it was.

Someone tall, much taller than him anyways; and slowly, wrapping their brawny arms around his waist-

“Oi, stop that.” Levi wrenched out of the slowly tightening grip and walked out of the stall, but upon reaching the barn door, was suddenly pulled back by his wrist. His footing stumbled and he grunted while trying to regain it, only to crash face-first into a chest. Levi struggled for purchase, his hands fumbling around aimlessly before settling them in front of him, on a chest warm and large enough to overwhelm his senses.

“Are you going to run away again?” Erwin asked, his deep voice reverberating through his chest.

Levi shuddered against his embrace at the voice echoing through his mind, feeling large palms slide down the small of his back and rest idly against his ass. The warmth of Erwin’s hands seemed to seep through his pants, or maybe it was just his fucking imagination.

At this rate he couldn’t even dream of escaping; Erwin’s hold on him was strong, and gave way to feelings that went a little deeper than mere safety.

“Are _you_ going to try to fill me with stupid feelings again?” Levi quipped wistfully, pressing the side of his face into Erwin’s thorax. It slowly rose and fell with the man’s breaths, and the lulling motion had Levi’s eyes going lidded. The thrumming within Levi’s chest calmed, even though a subtle feeling of dread settled at the pit of his stomach and threatened to bubble over. He inhaled the intoxicating scent of black tea mixed with something else, something _Erwin_ , and wanted to bury himself in it.

Levi sighed and let his gray eyes slipped closed, perking when he heard the muffled sounds of lively chatter and laughter outside.

“Shh,” Erwin reassured, bringing his hand up to massage it through Levi’s raven hair, “They won’t come in here. Unloading has finished.”

Levi relaxed again under Erwin’s soothing grip, but realizing what he was doing, he suddenly became hostile and tried to push the tall blonde away. Erwin’s touch began to burn Levi, and he wanted to get as far away as he could. Even without a good reason to flee; enough things had happened between them in the past, and he was well aware of Erwin’s sick principles to not want to be near him.

“Don’t touch me, please.” He says with a sort of desperate undertone to his words, staring up at Erwin who didn’t seem to take heed to his plea. The icy blue gaze made Levi’s heart beat faster, nurturing the fear he tried to keep his heart vacant of. What was this? This stupidly rapid heart beat and this red on his face? Truth was, he didn’t know how to react to _anything_ Erwin did to him; the simplest of gestures could drive him fucking crazy or reduce him to a whispering, begging mess.

Levi complained under Erwin’s soft touches, almost relishing the fingers massaging his scalp.

 _Almost_.

Pleased by his succumbing, Erwin smiled gently. It was in his nature to feel supreme when things went his way. “Levi.”

Levi looked up at him, eyes full of something he would never want anyone to look at him with. At that moment, his head was blank except for the thought that he really wished the earth would just swallow him up. Hot tears prickled against the back of his eyelids, yet to fall. He really hated losing himself, even just for a little while. More than anything, though, he hated needing somebody. Not just anybody, but the sadistic, perverted fuck that just would not let him leave.

With some unspoken fondness, Erwin rubbed his thumb against Levi’s quivering bottom lip and smiled again, a strange twinkling in his gaze. It made the shorter man’s spine crawl. “Levi. You don’t really want me to let go, do you?” Erwin asked, still smiling that knowing smile like he had everything figured out. Then again, he probably did.

Feeling his eyes widen, Levi continued to stare. Now that he thought about it, what exactly _did_ he want? To be held? To be kissed? To be spoiled and cared for, to have a regular relationship with someone he thought he could love?

“...Does this make you feel good?” Levi suddenly asked, voice raw with cry and breaking off as soon as he could get it working. He didn’t even care how it sounded, but the prospect of the situation he was in didn’t let him care about much of anything.

He didn’t miss the small trace of shock that passed through Erwin’s eyes, but his original expression returned just as quick as it could change. “What do you mean?” Erwin asked in a way that suggested he was simply playing dumb; dipping his head down to lick a stripe up the side of Levi’s pale neck, earning a surprised gasp in response to his sudden action.

Levi unknowingly had began to clutch the fabric of Erwin’s button-up shirt, squeezing his eyes closed in attempt to shut out his thoughts, numb himself to the hot hands roaming his body. A mouth hungrily sucked at the skin just below his ear, heat pooling into his cheeks at the little wet noises it made.

“Do you feel good… knowing that you have power over me?” Is what Levi gasps, feeling teeth rake against his neck again. Everything is so sensitive, especially now that he felt like nothing more than a slave to Erwin’s needs.

The tears finally found their way past his resolve and silently ran down his pale face. Levi couldn’t break out of Erwin’s grip, not because he was scared, but because he just couldn’t find it within him.

And the fact that he didn’t even _know_ if he wanted to break free in the first place nearly killed him inside. It didn’t feel morally right any more did it feel sane; relishing the grip of someone who could very well kill him with these same nurturing hands. It was probably all very superficial, but he continued to naively believe in the idea that Erwin might actually open his heart up to him in the end.

It was true; Erwin found him all those years ago and gave him a new life. New strength. New skill sets and a new title.

Not to mention a new bed. A place to call home, a body to hug against at night and to make love to.

Levi owed Erwin, and would continue to for a long time to come. He couldn’t help but feel in-debt; from the time of being picked up from the streets to even now. And whatever Erwin wanted, he would give.

Except, Levi often wished that for just one second, part of this could've also been his decision.

**Author's Note:**

> To Be Continued...


End file.
